There are moments in time that make you stop and think, reevaluate, question, and regroup. Of course, as I am ending a school year, this always seems like a particularly crazy time... graduation, retirements, and students moving on... all of which cause me to reflect on my professional career. This is the time of year where it seems my laundry takes on a life of its own, the dust bunnies actually start running around the house, and I try to keep swimming until there is time to catch up with myself. However, this also happens to be the pivotal time of year for soccer as well... the dreaded soccer tryouts. It is at this time of year that I find myself evaluating myself as an over the top mom... wondering if I wear that label proudly or simply erratically.
Since Josh was 11 years old and started trying out for "select" soccer it has seemed that this time of year was especially stressful. For the Mom who likes to be in charge, have things in order, make sure things happen the way I think they should, this time of year sends me into a tailspin. Let me set the stage for you... you watch your child trying out, you evaluate the field, you compare them to the 50-80 other players around them, you watch the evaluators... are they looking at your child, what are they thinking, is your child representing themselves in the best light possible, did they get enough sleep, did you pump them up enough... and then there is the dreaded field switch.... are they on a good field, could they be on a better field, oh no, they got moved down. And all of this, totally out of my control, in the hands of someone who does not know my child like I do, someone who does not care about my child like I do, someone who is often fulfilling favors at the same time they are picking a team.
It was bad enough when it was just Joshua, but now we have 3 children that all play select soccer. I really thought last summer with Joshua trying out for the high school team was bad enough; two months of training before you ever even found out if you made the team; him telling me he made it resulting in my bursting into tears for the stress of it all and him thinking his mother just might have lost it entirely. However, tonight as my Sweetie tries out for the "elite" team and I wait for the "call" for my youngest knowing that others have already gotten the call, I have picked strawberries, made strawberry jam, folded laundry, watched several episodes of Dance Moms, read a book, and even opened a bottle of wine waiting waiting waiting. Waiting SUCKS! Sorry for those this might offend but there is just no other word. Do these people not know I am sitting here checking my phone more than necessary to make sure I didn't miss a call, that my volume is up, that my phone is working... oh yeah, I know, it just gets stupid!
My conclusion is this... I have never in my entire life loved three people so desperately. I want for them such joy and success, I want for them to be treated fairly, I want politics to play no part in their placement on any team, and I want to be in control... but instead I just have to wait. I do not wait well, it is not my strength, in fact I am a terrible "waiter"... just ask my husband. But still.... I wait!
